So we have to do something about the Oscars, so here are Oscar picks from a guy who doesn’t know anything about the Academy.
Best Visual Effects
Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Purely because of that scene where Rey pulls the lightsaber out of the snow. Goosebumps every time. And Rey’s really hot. Which helps.
Best Sound Mixing
Mad Max: Fury Road. The dude was playing a flaming guitar. Mix that, Bridge of Spies.
Best Sound Editing
Mad Max: Fury Road. I’m sorry, is this a different thing? Flaming. Guitar.
Best Original Song
Fifty Shades of Grey – “Earned It” – The Weeknd. Purely because it was a solid addition to the Johnson sexy-time mix. But I’m not a fool, that movie was horrendous.
Best Original Score
Star Wars: TFA – John Williams. The nostalgia. The feels. The..oh yeah, it’s John Williams, he’s a fucking genius.
Best Makeup and Hairstyling
Mad Max: Fury Road. I don’t know if the flaming guitar is eligible for this category, but it should win anyways. But regardless, genuinely awesome makeup/hair in this film.
Best Foreign Language Film
Son of Saul. Brilliant, haunting movie by Hungarian genius Laszlo Nemes who did a fantastic interview with Men in Blazers this week, where a man who is forced to burn the bodies of his own people during the Holocaust mistakes one of the bodies for his son. He then through this discovery embarks on a moral journey. One of the most harrowing and intense movies of the year. What? I’m allowed to be serious every category or so.
The Big Short: Adam McKay. I saw McKay in Maui once with Will Ferrell.
Best Costume Design
Mad Max: Fury Road. Flaming guitar.
The Hateful Eight. All shot in one room essentially, which was pretty cool. And who doesn’t love Samuel L Jackson talk about making a racist man blow him TO HIS OWN FATHER. Not sure if that has anything to do with cinematography but it was amazing.
Best Animated Feature Film
Inside Out. Made me cry and miss my imaginary friends. RIP Bing Bong.
Best Actress in a Supporting Role
Jennifer Jason Leigh. I’ve never seen a woman get hit in the face so much in one movie. Almost heroic.
Best Actor in a Supporting Role
Sylvester Stallone. Duh duh duhhhhhhh, duh duh duhhhhhhhhh. He kicks cancers ass (kinda/hopefully). Only Stallone.
Jennifer-Lawrence. Everyone says she doesn’t deserve it this year so yeah she’s probably going to win. And because J-Law.
Leonardo DiCaprio. Please God let Leo win this year.
HE FOUGHT A BEAR.
HE SLEPT IN A HORSE.
HE CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD.
If not for this, then at least for the horrific snub that was him losing for Wolf of Wall Street.
Mad Max: Fury Road. If you don’t know why I picked this then you haven’t been paying attention.